


My Heart and Soul

by x_yehet_pcy



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, ChanSoo Week, M/M, Miss you, also there are changes in pov so iM SORRY, im sorry, it doesnt end that bad i swear
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-10
Updated: 2017-06-10
Packaged: 2018-11-09 18:47:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,991
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11110647
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/x_yehet_pcy/pseuds/x_yehet_pcy
Summary: Chanyeol finds his soulmate and it doesn't go at all the way he's always dreamed of.





	My Heart and Soul

**Author's Note:**

> sorry in advance.................................... it's not that bad i promise the angst is barely there

❂❂❂

Chanyeol wants to question why the universe works the way it does. For as long as he can remember, he's been excited to find the one.  _His_ one.

He's been waiting for this one moment since forever and it's--

It's underwhelming, and even more _heartbreaking_ , to finally find his soulmate this way. The circumstances aren't optimal, nowhere near ideal.

Okay, sure, maybe, in Chanyeol's head, sitting beside a random stranger on his favorite bench in his favorite park, then having their eyes meet only to share shy smiles-- maybe it was something he'd imagined once or twice before.

And now, he thinks, even though he can tick off the stranger and the bench and the park and the meeting of their eyes on his list, the exchange of smiles was what he was looking forward to. It was the one thing he was sure would happen.

Only it doesn't happen at all.

So when Chanyeol lets their gazes meet, his chest instantly clenches at the sight of tears in the corners of this stranger's eyes. His expression is despondent, broken, _lonely_ , and Chanyeol could easily say he was at a loss.

He knows this man is his soulmate, because the tattoo on his arm suddenly had color to it, bright and vibrant and finished with three letters,  _DKS_ \-- the initials of someone he's only now meeting for the first time; and he could see a tattoo on the guy's wrist suffusing with color too, his own initials a black bold  _PCY_.

What Chanyeol doesn't know is why when realization dawns on this man, realization that Chanyeol is his soulmate as well, his face falls, his expression something that could only be described as craven.

"You," Chanyeol freezes as he hears his voice and sees a hand reaching out to Chanyeol, only to fall back to his lap helplessly. Chanyeol waits silently until he hears the man speak up again, his voice more dejected and more scared than anything Chanyeol's ever heard. “You're my soulmate-- you're my soulmate, Park Chanyeol.” _He knows my name-- just like soulmates are supposed to--_ “And I don't think I know how to love anymore. I don't think I can-- with you-- I'm sorry--"

Chanyeol saves the thought of how the way his name sounded from this man's lips made him feel like it was _just meant to be_ for some other time. For now, he's setting his mind on something else.

Chanyeol clears his throat as he stomps over, stopping directly in front of the hunched form on the bench. He blinks his eyes a few times and nods to himself, suddenly determined to never see his face this sad ever again.

 "Your name is Do Kyungsoo," he announces out loud, as if Kyungsoo doesn't know it himself. He's already loving the way Kyungsoo’s name tastes on his tongue, and he wants to say it over and over again for as long as he lives. And he wants to hear Kyungsoo say his name in a different tone, one day.

"Yeah, I’m Do--"

"And I know you don't think I can now...  But I will make you fall in love with me."

❂❂❂

 _But I will make you fall In love with me_ lasts seven months before the strain gets too much anyway despite them trying to make things work. Or, well, despite Chanyeol trying and failing.

Chanyeol thought maybe it’s because Do Kyungsoo isn’t a man who believes in soulmates-- there are people like that. Chanyeol didn’t believe in that shit at first, too!

But the moment he saw Kyungsoo all sad, what else could the inexplicable desire to make him happy possibly be?

Most importantly, however, Chanyeol tried to put the whole soulmates thing off because Kyungsoo decided to give him a chance, and that chance was for Chanyeol to make the most of. Months go by very quickly and besides the soulmate bond that he feels every now and again.. He finds himself falling for Kyungsoo regardless.

Kyungsoo is sweet at rare times, yes, but he’s friendly, too, and shares the same music taste as Chanyeol, which meant everything to him. They become good friends in the course of the next months and they’re close-- but Chanyeol knows it’s hard to accept even the thought of them being just that.

Because Chanyeol still ends up falling in love with his soulmate and he feels hopeless all the same.

✹✹✹

Kyungsoo is greeted with what sounds like a groan of frustration when he finally arrives at Chanyeol's apartment. Chanyeol shifts his position on the couch and takes his feet off of the coffee table. "Where were you, Kyungsoo, I've been waiting for three hours--"

"Got held up with some matter," Kyungsoo says slowly as he shrugs his coat off. He plods towards the kitchen instead of moving to sit beside Chanyeol. "I told you not to expect--"

"Don't you think that's unfair, though?"

Kyungsoo watches as Chanyeol turns his head to look at him. "Don't you think--"

"Don't pull that card out right now, Chanyeol, it isn't fair--"

" _You're_  the one that's not being fair here, Kyungsoo!"

Why is he _so mad?_ Kyungsoo knows, though. "So, I showed up late, big deal! This is the first time--"

"But it isn't the first time you're  _not trying_ , though."

 _Now_ Chanyeol decides not to cut him off. "Why are you making it sound like I'm the only one who can't give back?"

Chanyeol stands up and faces him fully, but he doesn't come closer. Kyungsoo's just a bit thankful for that.

"We've been with each other for seven months now, Kyungsoo, in case that tattoo isn't reminding you enough.” Kyungsoo unconsciously rubs at his wrist. “I'm here now and I don't understand why you're not--"

"I can't love anymore, Chanyeol!" Kyungsoo counters, this time having had enough-- _too much,_ this time with all the desperation he can muster, just so Chanyeol  _realizes_. "I can't! I told you that the first time you found me so don't call me unfair--"

"You're unfair because all my life I've been waiting to love you!"

_Silence._

Kyungsoo doesn't let their eyes meet, keeping his on the floor. He knows. _He’s always known._

"I waited, Kyungsoo, I waited! Because I wanted to give you the best kind of love, so I waited! But you didn't, you found someone else who broke you and now you can't love me back!"

Kyungsoo sighs in resignation, his expression abject, because somehow, he understands, and it hurts because he  _wants to love Chanyeol_  but he  _just_ _can't._

" _I love you_ , Kyungsoo."

And it hurts because he can't say it back. Not right now. And he doesn't know when or if he will ever be able to.

_I wish I could love you._

❂❂❂

"People are scary, aren't they?"

Chanyeol's hands falter in their movements for only a split-second before they go back to stirring the rice he's frying in the wok. He wants to pretend like he didn't hear Kyungsoo, but he can feel his gaze, can see him watching him, _staring_ at him from his peripheral vision.

He sprinkles some salt and pepper onto the rice and wipes his hands down on his apron, turns off the stove and spares Kyungsoo a glance.

"How are people scary?"

"If people find out I chose to love someone because I didn't believe in soulmates," Kyungsoo says from his position at the counter where he's toying with his pair of chopsticks aimlessly. "How many of them do you think will keelhaul me?"

"Don't talk like that," Chanyeol answers, biting back the bitterness at the fact that this is probably a jab at him for their last fight. It was about two months ago.

How Chanyeol had called him unfair, for falling in love with someone when he was waiting so faithfully-- how he didn't even put himself in Kyungsoo's shoes and thought about how feelings are always so hard to control. He keeps his tone amicable, because he's too tired for this right now.

 _Has_ been tired for the past sixty days.

"People are scary," Kyungsoo repeats.

Chanyeol carries the heavy pan over onto the counter and watches with misplaced fondness at how Kyungsoo's hands automatically move to hold the bowl steady as Chanyeol scoops the rice into it. "Are you scared of me, then?"

"Yeah." Kyungsoo keeps his gaze down. "I am."

"I won't-- I've realized my mistake, you know.” He’d been entitled. And selfish. And inconsiderate. “ I don't think of you like that anymore," he defends. And now that he's at it, he wants to take the chance to apologize for making Kyungsoo cry that night. That was the first time in all their months living together that Chanyeol felt Kyungsoo _actually cares_ about him. Or about them. "I'm sorry. I was wrong."

"No, don't apologize for that. I understood. I know that."

"I won't rebuke you for falling in love with him, love isn’t dependent on something as superficial as soulmates--"

"Oh, no, that's not it," Kyungsoo interrupts, as if he's thought of a new thing to say, but Kyungsoo always has his train of thought in line, Chanyeol knows.

He still doesn't look up to meet Chanyeol's eyes, but he brings a hand to his wrist and runs his fingers lightly over the colored tattoo there. Chanyeol thinks he feels a light tickle against his own, but these don't work like that. "I'm scared of you for a different reason."

"Then--"

"You love me, right?"

Kyungsoo's words catch him off guard.

"Why are you asking that all of a sudden--"

"Just _answer me_ , Chanyeol-ah."

The gentleness in his voice makes Chanyeol flinch, but he knows the answer to this question better than he's ever really known any answer before. "Yes. I love you, so much. I’ve fallen in love with you, so I do. I’m pretty sure I always will, too."

Kyungsok nods to affirm that he's heard and understood him. "That's what's scary," he points out. "One moment he says _I love you_ and _You're my always_ and _I'll make you happy_." Kyungsoo takes a deep breath, and his exhale comes out shaky. "And then the next he says _I'm not so sure about this now_ and _This is getting tiring_ and _I don't think I can anymore_."

 _But I'm not him,_ he doesn't cut in. Chanyeol takes in Kyungsoo's words, his voice ringing in his ears with melancholy and pain, pain that Chanyeol's only ever wished he could take away right from the start.

"I'm scared of you because you think you love me because I’m your soulmate, and you say that you do, but tomorrow, when you wake up and I'm still your soulmate-- because that isn't changing, you know that better than I do-- what if you don't want to fix me anymore?"

"You aren't broken and I don't need to fix you. You aren't a toy."

"Then tell me why he played with me like that,” Kyungsoo snaps.

"I.. I don't know," Chanyeol finally gives up, taking his own seat across the island, in front of Kyungsoo. He lets one of his hands rest on the cool marble of the counter, and the other one goes up to touch Kyungsoo's face, an effort to ground him in this sudden uncertainty. "Because he's an asshole who doesn't know what love is."

"What does that make you, then?"

"An asshole who does?"

"You're not an asshole," Kyungsoo corrects, a sad smile on his face. He closes his eyes and leans closer into the touch of Chanyeol's palm on his cheek.

"But he is, right? I'm not. I know what love is." _I can’t wait for the day you’re ready to love me, so you’ll know, too._

"Then," Kyungsoo whispers, as Chanyeol moves his hand, lifts Kyungsoo's chin with one finger so that Chanyeol can see his eyes, and everything else that lies within them. "Tell me, Chanyeol-ah. What is love?"

_Love is you._

**Author's Note:**

> i wonder if i'll ever continue this


End file.
